Grief
by Lunas-paradox
Summary: On some days, when his scars hurt, he needs his Nakama.


_**Grief**_

They all were familiar with grief, they all have experienced it. They all had lost someone they loved in front of their own eyes, none of them were strangers to grief or the pain that comes with longing for someone that will never come back. That is why they had seen it, sometimes in their captain, some days the lines were quite clear and other days they would completely vanish and whoever noticed it that day would have to question if they were just seeing things. Luffy had always been happy, he did have his moments, but Luffy had always smiled, always tried to smile, always searched for happiness. He always seemed to love his life and had thought his Nakama to do the same thing, to love life so strongly that you wish to scream that you want to live from within your heart. He was that kind of person, he has always been like that and even now he is still that person.

But he carries grief too, the lines and scars etched so clearly on his body that it is hard to ignore them, it is hard to pretend that they don't exist. And they all have been trying to because none of them knows what to say to Luffy right now, it is not like they don't have words to say. They all have a lot of their own words to say but it been two years and now it's hard to bring especially when Luffy seems just as happy and vibrant as he has always been. It is hard and it feels wrong to drag it out when Luffy looks like he is recovering from it, none of them wants to bring it up. None of them wants to scratch on those scars that are finally healing.

None of them wants to but on nights like this one of them has to. And Nami knows this time it's her turn to support her captain, just like how he has always supported them.

She climbs down of the crow nest and slowly, carefully walks up to him. He is sitting on his favourite spot on, on the masthead of sunny, his hat is tilted and he is staring ahead at the sea in sombre silence and Nami knows this silence, she is very well aware of this silence, and the pain it hides. She doesn't announce her presence, he already knows she is here. Still, she takes time, giving him enough time to send her away so he can be on his own. She wants to help him but she knows being alone is important too, at times. It helps and if he wants that right now she will give it to him.

He doesn't say anything though, and neither does he move so she walks up to him and leans at the rail for a bit. She forms the words properly before she speaks she doesn't want to say the wrong words, she doesn't want to break this awkward ignorance they have had with careless words. She thinks but he beats her to it,

"Can't sleep Nami?" He asks her carefully, his voice sombre and tight and she looks down, slightly frustrated.

"I am on the watch tonight Luffy. I can't sleep like Zoro and still notice," she quips slightly nd he smiles slightly, and she is still glad, at least he is not that gone that he doesn't want to make jokes at all.

"What about you Luffy? Are you going to sleep?" she asks, and his smile goes.

"In a bit." He says but doesn't elaborate and she is worried, should she step in or back away, she is not sure. Any other time she would have come blasting, anger and worry mixed in as she scolded him. But right now she is scared, so scared that she will scratch his scar, that she will pick on it and leave glaring red marks in the wake if she is not careful. It's only been two, just _two years _since he has gotten them and that is not enough time, it is not enough time for them to even remotely heal. She knows because it has taken her 18 years to properly smile.

Maybe he realises her feelings because Luffy may be clueless most of the time but when it comes to his Nakama he instinctively knows what they are feeling, what they are desperately trying to tell. Because his shoulders relax slightly and he lets a breath go as he lets some tension go from his muscles. She takes a deep breath in and threads in because she was tough love and she can't let it go right now.

"Luffy, does it hurt?" she asks, carefully. She is not asking literally, she knows that it is stupid, her own scars had stopped hurting after a week, even though his is worse she knows it can't be physically hurting right now. No, she wants to know if it hurts, if his heart is pained and he wants to speak if he wants to let a bit go. Because she wants to take it away, even if he only shares a very tiny bit, she still wants to take it away just like he had done for her, three years back.

He shudders as he looks down, and she wonders if he is going to lie and that hurts slightly because she knows Luffy can't lie to save his life but when it comes to things like this when he fulfils his captain's duty, he will lie, properly, defiantly because he needs to be the one they can believe in no matter what.

But he is Luffy, who trusts his Nakama more than anything in this world, "Just a bit Nami, only slightly, it will go away in a bit. It always does." He says, convincing himself and her and she feels her hand drift to her tattoo as she nods.

"I am glad it doesn't hurt too much," she says, smiling. "Luffy can I stay though? The night breeze is nice and I would like to spend some time with my captain." She stares at his back, scared, hopes he won't reject her. She wants to at least do this much for him. He grabs his hat tightly as he titles it further and says.

"Ya, I would like that too."

And there they stay in silence both just enjoying their presence as she hopes this will heal him, help him, even if only slightly. They stay like that until Luffy can let go of his hat and lifts his head up and finally turns other as he smiles, not so fully, but she is ok with it as she smiles wider for him and he hops back to her and says his good night and walks back to the boy's room. She watches him go and finally takes a deep breath to let the pain in her chest go.

It takes time, she reminds herself, healing oneself. It always takes time, a lot of support, love and acceptance. She knows this because she has gone through the process. And she reminds herself that this time they will be there for him as he walks through it too, that she will be there always guiding, his ever-faithful navigator, as he walks through it. She won't let go, she won't ever leave his side.

Such nights will come again and every single time she plans to stay by his side and she knows, she believes, all her Nakama will do the same when it is their turn.

Luffy has experienced grief before, when he was seven to be exact. They were three brothers but Sabo died, he was killed to be more exact by someone they couldn't punch at that time. It was only because Ace had been there that Luffy had been able to get over his death, that he was able to move on and let his grief go. It had only come on some days, like on Obon or his death anniversary. Somedays he does remember him when everything is sombre and he is reminded of his childhood memories. After he had met Ace again in Alabasta, for a few days he had thought, how Sabo would have been same as Ace if he had been right here, it had left him sad for few days but he had immediately bounced back and returned to having fun.

Then, he had lost Ace. Ace had died, right in front of his eyes. He had let Ace die in front of him because he had been too weak.

It had hurt, I had hurt so much. He had lost hope in living, he didn't want to live. He didn't see any meaning in living. But then Jimbei had asked him, something he hadn't even bothered asking himself, not even cared at the moment until Jimbei had reminded him.

"_What do you still have left?" _

He had remembered them, they called him out, smiling at him as they call out to him in a voice full of love and tenderness and his eyes burn as he remembered. Zoro promised him he will never lose. Name asked him for help. Sanji wanted to fulfil both of their foolish dreams. Ussop wanted to become someone greater. Robin screaming that she wants to live. Franky wanting to see his creation, his ship becoming the best ship. Brook that pledged rest of his life to him and wishes to see a friend of lost past.

He remembers his Nakama and he remembers their dreams. He remembers their smiles ad he remembers their love.

And he feels his heart letting go as he cries, for the first time, as he stares at his hands and tells Jimbei.

"_I still have my Nakama, I still have them." _

And as he sees them all again, he remembers his heartfelt words and wants to tell them, to thank them because if it wasn't for them he wouldn't have been standing here right now. He wouldn't have been able to find the strength to stand up again, to chase his dream once again. He is so happy, he is so grateful for them.

He had already vowed this before, but he vows it again when he sees hem again finally. He won't even let any one of them go, he won't let anyone of them slip pat his hand again. He will be strong, he will be strongest so he can protect them, so he can make sure that no matter what happens he won't ever lose them.

But when on some days, he wants to be weak again, be coddled again like he was done by his brothers when he was 7. He is their captain though so he knows he has to be the strong one, he needs to be strong, to protect all of them. But, on days like these, when his scars are throbbing, he decides to relax a bit, to stop for a bit. To let go a bit,

"Just a bit Nami, it will go away in it though. It always does." He reassures her because Nami is loving, she is too loving. She feels too strong and too much and he doesn't want to sweep her in his pain.

She smiles though and says, "I am glad it doesn't hurt too much," She hesitates, "Luffy can I stay here though? The night breeze feels good and I want to spend time with my captain." And he is reminded again on how strong Nami is, how strong and tough she has always been for him, for them. So he gives in, only for today because it feels good to be near them, to be near her and just let himself relax and not think about his scars and his fears.

"Ya, I would like that too."

They stay, she doesn't speak but he can feel her comfort even without any words spoken. He decides to head back to his room, he smiles at her as he says his good night and she smiles wider for him as if reassuring him that she is here for him. He flops down on his bed, and sleep doesn't come to him easily, but as he hears his friends snoring, their heartbeats loud and very much alive, he feels him relaxing.

He falls asleep easily and the next time he stays up someone is always there for him.

His Nakama is always there for him.

* * *

**A/N - **Hey guys, another one shot, I just completed watching the Big mom arc and just suddenly wanted to write this, it was such a good arc and filled with so many good moments. I thought why not show a bit of love to my favourite characters, Luffy is well obviously that can't be a question. Nami though has always been my favourite female character in the series, I love others too don't take me wrong but Nami has always been close to my heart and will always be. One day if I feel like writing I might make other versions but don't expect too much. Oh, and this is not a ship fic, just a friendship and nakamaship.

**If you like my writing and wish to support me in some way, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi, /luna2572.**

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Xoxoxo, Luna.


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